This music blogger died last year, and man, is it ever a shame. This is hilarious and so true:
But what – I suggested to guardian.co.uk/music editor Tim Jonze – if we turned the cliche on its head and made it about genuinely wank bands that everybody pretends to like, much in the same way that everybody pretends to like Guinness even though they really think it tastes horrid and would much rather be drinking lager with Ribena in it. We could, I proposed, finally expose Nine Inch Nails, Sonic Youth, Teenage Fanclub, Belle and Sebastian, Tim Buckley, Big Star, Wilco and My Morning Jacket as the emperor’s new faeces-streaked underpants that they actually are.
I received a curt response: “Guinness is the best drink ever,” wrote Jonze, “just like Teenage Fanclub are totally amazing.” Fighting the almost irresistible urge to piss on my own chips, I promptly stripped from my list of bands-that-everybody-pretends-to–like-but-actually-suck those acts I thought my editor might actually like. The results are as follows …
As much as I love Dylan, this may be the funniest paragraph I’ve ever read:
Dylan actually died of shame in 1964, shortly after he stopped pissing on warmongers’ graves and became a sort of reverse-anachronistic John Cooper Clarke clone without the jokes. What people think of as “Bob Dylan” today is really a persona acted out by half a dozen octogenarian lesbian drag kings, who have perfected a marvellous can’t-actually-make-out-a-single-word-he’s-singing parody of what Dylan would probably sound like if he had continued his pretend-hobo faux-folkie act into late middle age, dragging in his wake an increasingly smug, flaccid and obese army of Mojo-reading male menopausal Peter Pans with biscuit crumbs in their spliff-yellowed beards, all just a few more years of nightly real-ale binges away from being permanently colostomy-bagged. In fact, that’s the one thing modern “Dylan” gigs have in common with the days when he played in front of thousands of screaming teeny-boppers – the stench of piss. But not in a good way.