Girls with guitars…

I am going to get sent straight to feminist hell for this, but here goes.

Girls suck at guitar.

Trust me, I don’t WANT this fact to be true, but it is. I’ve been in denial of it for a long time, but I just can’t deny it any more.

To me, being a great guitar player doesn’t necessarily mean that you can shred or play really fast. It means that you play with soul, with guts, and, well, balls. There are so far a grand total of TWO women that I’ve come across who do this.

Number 1: Bonnie Raitt

And I mean, she’s pretty great, but she definitely doesn’t stand up to a lot of the great Blues guys like Buddy Guy. Still, she ain’t no slouch on that slide. Also, the voice is three quarters of what makes her great.

Number 2: Ani Difranco

She’s Prince’s favorite guitar player. She pioneered that percussive acoustic style that Dave Matthews has since taken all the way to the bank. Soul? Check. Guts? Double check. Balls? Big ones: wait till she rips “Shameless” all over your face.

And one more for good measure:

And yes, I’ve heard of Kaki King, and I mostly just think she’s noise. I mean, yes, it takes skill, she’s a good musician, but that’s it. It lacks the je ne sais quoi of a Jack White or a Ry Cooder, let’s just say.

Here’s some chicks with buzz, but to me they are just full of hot air. No substance, no balls. Yes, they play the notes right, but they just don’t cut it.

(Yes, she is a woman).

All is not lost, however. It’s a bit of the chicken and egg situation. Girls haven’t traditional been encouraged to play guitar, and when they are they’re placated and praised for being mediocre or folky, or what have you. Or they try so hard to learn to shred and play with the speed freaks that it just ends up sounding generic and soulless, gutless.

God fucking bless Youtube though, because now there are young girls with guitars listening and watching and making their own videos. A lot of the weird self consciousness is wearing off, and now girls are just fucking owning their guitars. Rocking with their cocks out, so to speak.

This kid is 16 years old and plays Hendrix better than most 50 year old men in bar bands:

And once she loosens up a bit more, she’ll be quite a fucking force to be reckoned with. Most importantly, she has a good understanding of Hendrix’s slower, sexier sustained notes (check out the Little Wing solo around the 3:20 mark), and that shows she’s got a lot of soul. It’s seems hard to shred like Steve Vai, but it’s harder to play one sustained note like Hendrix.

And then if you ignore the creepiness of Sammy Haggar in this video, this 15 year old girl is pretty awesome too. Hopefully not just jailbait for Haggar. The important part is that she’s having fun:

And for all your country fans out there, check out this cute young thing with new telecaster.

Brad Paisley needs this girl on his tour immediately…

UPDATE: Oh fuck, how could I forget this chicken? Nancy Wilson is a goddess with GIANT balls. She wrote the fucking Barricuda riff.

And was Wynonna Judd built to sing this song or what?

One more thing: Nancy Wilson has the best fucking strut/kick/lunge combo in rock and roll history.

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